Intimate Relating

My relating with You has catalyzed major rearranging in myself around intimacy, love, beauty, value, and just about everything else. I am deeply grateful for this catalyzing. And I also have felt shame and embarrassment that so much has unfolded for me around You. Yet in the process I became so clear - viscerally clear - that it wasn’t about you. AT ALL!

I experienced hope, attachment, and fear in my relating with You...which led to a profound and vivid connection to myself as Love. My sense of desire, fear, and hope around You ultimately led me back to a profound sense of love in myself - the infinite kind that connects me to all beings. It also stimulated in me an enlivened connection to my own sensuality. I distinguished that, in historically relating intimately with people and then becoming attached (or repulsed), what I am ultimately attached to is a chance to express myself intimately. Historically, I have believed this chance is scarce.

Upon realizing that, I sailed into a current of discovering a way in which I can relate to the world where I do express myself intimately, abundantly. Including in non-sexual situations. I realized there was the possibility of being much more open-hearted with the wider world in ways which I have historically only been with lovers. I had the experience of the possibility of feeling “in love” with anybody, at any time when I chose to drop into the moment. It was easy. I realized that I am in control of choosing to open myself up and fall into someone else’s presence. I can do that at anytime, with anybody.

I have also distinguished that intimate relating feels like a way for me to get to know somebody...the visceral, word-sparse or wordless experience of connecting with someone physically feels natural to me and can make more sense than talking, particularly talking without touch. In a society where non-touch talking-relating is more enforced and supported than touch relating, it makes sense that I am distinguishing this as my own preference, as I return to being a physically-relating being. This preference of mine to explore people that way has been a new awareness for me and helped to clarify why I like to relate intimately.

My new expression in the world has been fulfilling for me. I am opening up to the possibility that many people can help take care of me; that I can walk as my sensitive tender lover-self in the world; that it is a gift to the world; that intimate relating is not taboo; that I can express my needs, including needs for intimate relating; that I am a powerful being in the world of intimate relating. These are all exciting and new ideas and are changing the way I am relating to people. I can feel my trust deepen and expand that other people are allies, and can help me meet my needs. And that makes my needs more worth expressing. And that allows people to connect with me more.

It is new learning for me to realized that I create the conditions for intimate relating, sexual or non. Not someone else.

And that we are ongoingly co-creators in any moment. This replaces the power-over-under humanity 2 dynamic which I have historically perceived and generated in relationship.