I distinguished something today.
The sense of protectiveness I have had of my kitchen time has come from a place of fear of being judged. Beneath the boundaries that have come up around me when it’s kitchen time for me has been an extreme sense of vulnerability around my process with food.
I consider myself to be in a process of re-learning how to eat. What has been “normal” doesn’t work for this body. More and more bodies are speaking up about this.
My body knows the stories of the foods that come into it. Tuning into this knowledge is part of the process of re-learning. It is sitting with the pain and complexity of the systems that produce our food.
When an avocado or banana is the best thing my body could want in this moment, I cannot make the choice free of the impacts it has on the systems.
Perhaps my body will never be able to make complete peace with the foods it eats until the systems en masse are re-invented.Offering my opening to non-solution-focused understanding.